Parenting is tough going, we all know that. And people can be very quick to shit sling if/when you’re doing it wrong. We all know that!
I don’t think I’ve ever felt as judged by people as I do now that I’m a mother.
And unfortunately, it’s the time that you need judgement the least. Okay, so you never batted an eyelid as I fell through my 20’s in a string of bad relationships and bad outfits, but now that I choose not to carry my two children in a sling 24/7 like some human kangaroo, NOW you are judging me?!?
One of the toughest adjustments to parenthood for me was the impact it had on my marriage. It totally changed the dynamics of our relationship. I was no longer the no.1 girl in my husbands life, and he was no longer the sole focus of my attentions. I felt a lot of jealousy and I’m sure he did too if he dug deep enough to admit it! But mostly it highlighted how different we were as parents. Our own upbringings came to the fore and I suddenly realized:
“Shit! How could we have brought a tiny human into the world without checking each others views on parenting first??”
And the same applies to friendships.
A friend you’ve known for years is suddenly cocking an eyebrow and coughing behind her hand as you tell them how the other day you threw a total hissy fit when your toddler spilled juice all over the newish couch. “Mmmm, yeah, did you try counting to 10 or screaming in to a pillow?” she asks helpfully as she turns away mumbling under her breath “she gives her child juice..?!” We’ve differed in our opinions and tastes for years, it was what gave fire and fun to our friendship, but now suddenly it’s unacceptable?
Step forward the “Mestie”!! You may not have known her very long, you may have known her since before you discovered tweezers, either way she’s the gal that’s got your back. She is the one you can go to in a child induced hysteria, snot flying, unwashed and unhinged. She is the one that will open her door to you, no questions asked. She may be silently wondering why you are only wearing one slipper and your husbands coat in the middle of June, but will usher you in regardless for strong coffee and a strong shoulder to collapse on. She is the one that you can glance at and she knows EXACTLY what you’re thinking about ‘Finton going to advanced baby yoga at 6 months’. She’s the one that will sit with you and figure out the e-bay value of your 3 year old, and won’t judge you when a teeny tiny piece of you, just for a second, means it!
If you are lucky enough to have found a mestie, hold on to her for all your worth
Like the perfect hair day, they only come along once every blue moon and they are worth their weight in gold to keep you balanced and sane. A really good Mestie will administer you with a word slap/reality check when needed and will let you rant for hours without contradiction, correction or condemnation. Til death do you part, this will be one of the most important relationships you will ever have as a mother.