Naughty, double standards Mummy!

Can I just sayI don’t condone the following behavior in any way, as a mother or a human being. BUT……

…….there is just something that takes over when I get a night away from my family to enjoy a ‘Hotel Sleepover’.

With the shackles of responsibility shed, one of the first thoughts to my mind is usually contraband. The challenge of what I can smuggle into, or indeed out of, my accommodation immediately presents itself. Be it food, alcohol, toiletries or an extra person, nothing screams “Break the rules!” like a hotel night away.

Despite the fact I got a very competitive deal online, I won’t be happy until I have procured something that I shouldn’t have.

If it’s not nailed down, it’s fair game. Sure the little towelette slippers are meant to be taken; the cleaning trolley is a veritable pick and mix of delights that you will never use again! Pay full price for a bottle of wine? I think not! My smuggled Cava will do me nicely, thank you, despite the fact I am quite happy to splurge €8 on a cocktail later…

In complete contrast to what I am teaching my children, my double standards and I reason it out together.

I bathe way too much! Despite killing my four year old for splashing water out of the bath, I wantonly waste the equivalent of a small country’s water supply on soaking myself up to the eyeballs in lava hot bubbles, slowly turning myself into a bright red prune. And when I get out, I will waste even more water washing my hair in the shower. Also – I showered that morning. I don’t really need to wash again, I just want to remember what it’s like to be in a bathroom on my own.

I taxi everywhere. In my real life, I cover Forest Gump like proportions of ground with two small children in tow. When I go away, I will barely walk to the lobby with my tiny handbag because A. I’ve dusted off the ridiculous heels that I’ve not had on since my last adventure, and B. I just refuse to walk any further!! And hey, with all the money I’ve saved on wine, I can afford to be reckless.

I will eat when I’m not even hungry.

Because for once, I’m not fearfully looking over my shoulder with my arse hanging out of a kitchen cupboard. And I will drink alcohol in the afternoon. I will get slightly tiddly. Dangerous before lava bath I know, but live and let live! Like a hibernating bear, I will want to fall asleep before 6 pm, but the fear of not wringing every second out of my night away will keep me going (FOMO!).

And all this before I have even left the hotel!! Naughty, double standards Mummy flaunts the boundaries of her own rules and revels in it. I also like to sit down a lot, enjoy long silences and staring into the middle distance uninterrupted.

The following morning at the buffet is where I will make my money back – any money savvy Mamma knows this. Eat it now or wrap the little pastries in a napkin for later, those bad boys will fill a hole at some point. Bowls of sweets left unattended on tables? Fools! Fools!!! I don’t want that mint at check-out, but I’ll take it and another five to boot, just because they’re there.

Stopping short of pinching the light fittings, straight laced Mamma is out the window and the artful dodger is in.

Every Mum deserves a night off to indulge and unwind, so if you are lucky enough to get one, take it and run with it! Don’t succumb to ‘The Guilt’.

And sure the kids are always delighted with those little square pillow chocolates and a shower cap when you get home…

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